Well... don't close your eyes. It was just an expression. Although, if you did close your eyes, maybe this reading would be bearable. Nevermind. Lets get started.
* * * * * * * *
Beep...Beep...Beep...
[Alarm slammed]
Ugh...do I have to get up? I guess I better. I've got a busy day ahead of me. What did I need to do again? Lets see... eat some cheerios...shower...call my agent about getting me off this God forsaken team...then lunch...
Oh man, do we have a game today? I could check the calendar, but it's wayyyy over there. Oh well. It wouldn't upset me to miss a game or two anyway. I'm so sick of playing for this team. Our stadium is in worse condition than the Rome Colliseum, our fans are more ignorant than stupidity itself, and we haven't won a World Series since the Taft administration.
Come to think of it... didn't Taft get stuck in the White House tub? Maybe that was what we needed to win the series! Oh wait... Obama is a twig. Well the next 3 seasons are a waste.
Our division isn't even fair! How come we get stuck in the division with the Cardinals?? Maybe I could see if Selig would transfer us to the NL West. That would be helpful.
Ughhh...let me make this call and see if we have a game today... [dialing] ...Hey, Lou! ... Yeah, I'm fired up about playing today!... Shoot, so we do have a game...Oh, hold on I'm getting a call. Hold on one sec, Lou. [switches to call from agent] Bill, please tell me you have good news... Yes!!! There is a God!!! ... No! Kansas City is perfect! I hear they have good barbecue. I'll pack my bags now! [transfers back to Lou] Hey, Lou. I'm back. Look I gotta go. I just got a promotion to a team that has living fans who saw their last World Series title. Good luck, not that it matters. You won't win anyway with such a skinny president.... Nevermind... Bye.
* * * * * * * * * *
So this might not be an exact depiction of what a Cub goes through every day. But it is what I imagine would be an ideal day for a Cub. What do you think?
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